The Ultimate FanFic
by Fenix2
Summary: The Matrix, Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy. Tell me what you want I'll try to put it in.
1. Enter The Matrix

The Ultimate FanFic  
  
Ok I know I don't own any of these people and I am not trying to make a buck blah blah blah and so and so fourth, I am doing for my own amusement. So on with the story.  
  
CHAPTER 1 Enter the Matrix  
  
It is a dark night clouds roll in front of a full moon, and in the distance we can hear a cell phone ring.  
The ringing gets louder and its "take me out to the ball game"  
  
Neo: What's up switch?  
  
Person: Hi how would you like to save on all of your long distance calls??  
  
Neo: What the hell!! Who is this? Is this the Oracle?  
  
Person: No, this is Susan with AT&T and I would like to tell you about loud distance service.  
  
Neo: Look Susan I am the One I know that is world is not real, In fact your not real, you are still plugged in and that means you are a potential agent, or maybe the woman in the red dress are you her??  
  
Susan: Umm Mr. The One what I wear is really no of your concern, I can tell you really don't want to switch to AT&T so just remember when calling collect always dial 1-800-CALLATT.  
  
Neo: Is that with that Goddamn Carrot top guy?  
  
Susan: No that's those ass-holes from 1-800-COLLECT. I hate those people.  
  
Neo: I think I'm going to tell Morphus to unplug Carrot top so we can see what he looks like bald it would be funny.  
  
Susan: UMM what's unplug?  
  
Neo: What's your phone number and I will explain it to you.  
  
Susan screams and is suddenly cut off.  
  
Neo: Susan are you ok? SUSAN!  
  
Voice: What's you favorite scary movie??  
  
Neo: What!! I want loud distance!!!!  
  
Voice: I'll gut you like a fish and then throw your guts all over the place how's that for long distance??  
  
Neo: Umm no I really don't like the sound of that.  
  
Smith: Hello Mr. Anderson  
  
Neo: Smith!! Is this a fucking party line or something what the fuck is going on???  
  
Woman: Hey there sexy, you like to party? All calls cost only 4.99 a minute, we accept Visa, MasterCard and American Express.  
  
Neo: Ok this is to weird even for the matrix!!  
  
Neo begins to walk away when the phone booth behind him begins to ring. Neo slowly walks up to the phone, He has a strange look on his face, and you can tell the last phone call has left him perplexed.  
  
Neo: Hello?  
  
Voice: If you and up I will kill you.  
  
Neo: Leave me alone.  
  
Three shots ring out as soon as Neo hung up the phone, Neo turns and looks towards were the shots were fired from, He can see a man in the window with a high powered rifle.  
  
Neo thinks to himself: How the hell did Lee Harvey Oswald get here??  
  
Neo raises his hand and stops the bullets, He makes the three bullets start dancing with each other.  
  
Neo: These look like the bullets from Roger Rabbit.  
  
Bullets: Those were our cousins we hope to make it big time like they did, we want to make is famous like they did.  
  
Neo: Ok I'll do my best to help.  
  
Neo thrusts his hand out towards the man in the window but two of the bullets begin chasing a late model Lincoln down the road.  
  
Neo: I wonder how that man got into the book depository??  
  
One bullet hits the man right in the face, his face explodes in a mess of blood, brains and skull. At the same time the other two bullets are about to catch the man in the back of the Lincoln. One bullet hits his shoulder and the other hit the man in the back of the head.  
  
Neo: Cool I rewrote history.  
  
Ted: Way cool Bro. (Starts playing the air guitar.)  
  
Neo: Who are you??  
  
Ted: I'm your best friend bro we went through time together with Rufus remember??  
  
Neo: No. Rufus is that the guy that was in that Dogma movie?? Oh he was also the hichhicker in Jay and Silent Bob Strike back. He gave the truck driver head.  
  
Ted: Bogus dude. Look you are not really Neo you are Keanu Reeves.  
  
Neo: No I am Neo, but that guy who dresses like the presidents body guard calls me Mr. Anderson sometimes.  
  
Ted: No way dude this is not real.  
  
Neo: I know this is the Matrix.  
  
Ted: No this is a movie but something's wrong and not wrong like in that shitty Last Action Hero movie.  
  
Neo: Is there a glitch in the system?  
  
Ted: Damnit Bill.  
  
Neo: There is no Bill instead of Bill think that there is no spoon.  
  
Ted: What!! What does this have to do with a spoon??  
  
Neo: Its time to leave.  
  
Ted: Ok Rufus is sending a phone booth.  
  
Neo gets a very scared look on his face.  
  
Neo: Hell No!! I'm not getting in another phone booth!!  
  
Take me out to the ball game begins ringing. As soon as Neo answers the phone he is jacked out of the matrix.  
  
Ted: Wohhh!!! Radical!!! 


	2. Paradise Island

Chapter 2  
  
Paradise Island  
  
Neo: Oh my god!! Trinity you wont believe what happened while I was in the Matrix. It was crazy!!  
  
Trinity: Umm did you turn into a cartoon?  
  
Neo: No. What a stupid ass question are you smoking pot again?? You know Larry and Andy don't like that crap!  
  
Trinity: Have you looked at your self?  
  
Neo looks around and takes a long look at Trinity and then he looks at his reflection.  
  
Neo: Oh my God!!!!  
  
Trinity: I know Neo I don't understand it.  
  
Neo: I'm bald. Why the hell am I bald, I look so good in the Matrix 12-year- old girls tell me all the time.  
  
Trinity: Ok you stupid shit look we are cartoons every thing around us is.  
  
Neo: Umm your right I look like a second rate Mr. Clean!!!  
  
Morpheus: I don't understand it the Oracle id not say anything about this.  
  
Neo: I've just about had it with your preaching ass ok Morpheus.  
  
Morpheus: There is much to learn my son.  
  
Trinity: Neo, Morpheus is your father???  
  
Neo: No I did not know my father, and he's black and I'm pale as a ghost!!! I just don't understand anymore, but I will try, tell me Morpheus.  
  
Morpheus: Do or do not there is not try.  
  
Trinity: That's it I've had it with this backwards as talking stupid ass  
  
Trinity pulls a sawed off shotgun from a table, points it right at Morpheus head.  
  
Neo: Trinity No please. He is the key.  
  
Trinity: If you talk in a metaphor one more time Morpheus I swear I will kill you.  
  
Morpheus: How do you kill wh (BAM)  
  
Smoke is rolling out of the barrel of the shotgun Morphues' headless corpse falls to the ground.  
  
Neo: Why did you do that??  
  
Trinity: I warned him, common I know were there is another.  
  
Neo and Trinity Jack into the Matrix and they are on a tropical island.  
  
Neo: Were are we??  
  
Trinity: I believe they call this paradise.  
  
Voice: Paradise Island you outsiders!!  
  
Neo: Huh?  
  
Neo and Trinity both turn around to see two young boys looking right at them both are holding swords that look like keys.  
  
Sora: Let's kick their butt.  
  
Rikku: I'd like to do something to your butt Sora.  
  
Sora: Dammit Rikku this is not some sick twisted fanfic were the two of us are in love with each other.  
  
Rikku: Oh sorry. I'm so sick of that.  
  
Sora: No shit. Do I ever act like I'm gay in the game.  
  
Rikku: Well you are kinda a pussy sometimes.  
  
Sora: I'll kick your ass Rikku.  
  
Rikku: Yo what about them?  
  
Sora looks at Neo and Trinity and charges at Neo.  
  
Neo: This kid thinks he can hurt me I'm The One. Watch this.  
  
Neo holds his hand out to bend to force of the Matrix to do his will.  
  
Sora: AHHHH!!!!!  
  
Sora dives at Neo and takes a mighty swing with his Keyblade.  
  
Neo: Ha nothing!  
  
Sora: look again.  
  
Neo looks around on the ground and begins to look at himself, He still can't find anything.  
  
Neo: Face it kid you missed.  
  
Sora: Hey it happens give me five man!  
  
Sora walks up to Neo to give him five, a strange smile creeps across his face. Neo towers over Sora who is only about half of his size. Neo lowers his hand and Sora raises his. But at the last second Sora slices with his key blade with the other hand.  
  
Neo: AHHHHHH!!!  
  
Sora: Look I didn't miss after all.  
  
Neo's right hand is lying in the sand, the fingers are still twitching from the nerves in Neo hand.  
  
Neo: What the fuck!!!  
  
Rikku: That was funny. I wanna try!!  
  
Trinity: No!!  
  
She pulls out her gun and points it at Rikku.  
  
Sora: Please don't hurt him.  
  
Rikku: I knew you were gay!  
  
Sora: No you're my best friend. I don't want to see you hurt.  
  
All of a sudden a smile grew across the face of Rikku.  
  
Sora: Why are you smiling??  
  
Rikku: This hot chick in the leather is grabbing my butt!!  
  
Trinity: Well its nice to see another guy for once!  
  
Neo: But you were supposed to love me, cuz I'm The One.  
  
Trinity: Well umm I have only known you for one movie that was two hours long.  
  
Neo: Ya know we got ripped off, we got a two hour movie and these two guys got a forty hour video game.  
  
Rikku: There making another one to.  
  
Neo: Well we have 3 movie and a video game.  
  
Trinity: Ok lets chill out there has to be a point for us being hear right?  
  
Neo: Umm well no, Because this is a fanfic the never has to be a point anything could happen. I got my hand cut off for two little kids amusement.  
  
Trinity: Ok so Sora, Rikku what is the propose for your world what did you do in your game??  
  
Soar: Umm I traveled from world to world and kicked ass. Rikku was evil but now he is not.  
  
Rikku: We are not sure what happens in the next game so we have to wait it out.  
  
Neo: Ok so lets go to another world like you say we have to, how do we do it, can we fly like Superman I'm really good at that.  
  
Rikku, Sora, and Trinity all roll their eyes at Neo.  
  
Sora: There is a door on the other side of the island that we can go through, it will take us somewhere.  
  
Trinity: Were??  
  
Rikku: Umm well wherever the author wants it to take us.  
  
Neo: So it can take us home!!  
  
Sora: Well it could.  
  
Neo: Yippy I get to go home!!!!!  
  
Rikku: How does a fine woman like you put up with his crap?  
  
Trinity: It was in the script. I had to  
  
Rikku slowly walks up to Trinity puts his arm around her.  
  
Trinity: Don't you think you're a little young?  
  
Neo: Lets go I wanna go home!!!  
  
Rikku slowly walks up to Neo and kicks him in the shin.  
  
Neo: OOWW!! You little shit!!  
  
Our group begins to walk towards the other side of the island, The sun is setting and all you can see is the silhouettes of each person. Of course Neo looks rather funny without his right hand. What will he do on those lonely nights?? 


End file.
